This by no means is a happy journal. Like, at all.

I'm feeling really upset at the moment. I'm trying my best to try and figure out what I want to do in life and I finally managed to narrow it down. Unfortunately its like everything I've done in the past 5 years is just a big mistake to my family (not my mom though). They think that my cosplay is stupid. My dad won't even let me talk about it let alone use the sewing machine in the house. I have to wait till he's out or leave the house and go somewhere else to do it. My brother constantly makes fun of me for it and telling me that I'm stupid and it's all cosplaying fault that I am who I am. My dad is also always quick to blame the people I meet at conventions saying that their the reason that I didn't like my collage program and they forced me to do it. Which might I add is total crap. I chose myself to go to collage for 3D Animation, I found out I didn't like it and I will take the responsibility.

Anything that I think of is just a joke to them. In fact I told my dad I want to go into journalism and guess what he said? That I can't do it and I never ever will. He said I don't even know how to read a real book (Which is a total lie). He thinks I'm stupid for going to upgrade. He thinks that I don't even deserve my diploma for graduating grade 12. And my brother goes along with it. Every time I mention my future my dad tells me I can't do it because I'm to stupid. How can I possibly try my best when no one supports me?
And I'm aware that I have to pay my way to collage myself, COMPLETELY by myself. I don't need to be constantly reminded. That's why I work 2 jobs constantly.

And my dad is also against the jobs that I got. I work at a bridal store and Starbucks and he keeps telling me: "what are you going to sell wedding dresses and coffee for the rest of your life?" He doesn't understand that I'm doing it SO I CAN GO TO UNIVERSITY.

I really just don't know what to do anymore. It's like everything I do, every day is just a big mistake.

Also I got a job working at Starbucks during the Olympics in Vancouver. But he yelled at me when I said I got it. He thinks I'm stupid for even thinking of going. Of course I have to get myself there. But I have no where to stay in Whistler, Squamish or Vancouver. I don't think I'll be able to go anymore. Although I really did want to

Also Much Music is doing another VJ search and I wanted to audition ( I wanted to try at least) and my brother and sister said "they won't like you because your into anime and you can't do it because they won't like you. And your not cut out to be a journalist." Then my brother went on to say about collage: "you'll never be accepted to collage because you cosplay and that's weird".

No support and they blame everything on the fact that I like anime. EVERYTHING.

I still want to try for journalism and I'm still going to live my life the way I want to, but it's very unnerving when your working hard, studying hard and you put lots of effort into your cosplays only to be told that your a complete failure.

i don't think I can handle another year of this.